Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
