She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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