Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
