i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
