all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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