Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
