The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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