at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize