he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So many bounce houses so little time
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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