you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
