we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
