I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to wash the frat house off of me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
