Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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