He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
