I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
