Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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