I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
