Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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