It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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