Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
where does the pee come out of this thing
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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