soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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