your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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