What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
