i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
