Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
