i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
