He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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