you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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