Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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