She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
