Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
