Well apparently he's into motor boating.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
