Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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