I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
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you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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