its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
