There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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