we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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