im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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