i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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