Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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