my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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