Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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