Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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