these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
