I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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