I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
