umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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