Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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