i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
