We won't sleep together?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
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Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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