she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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