Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
