I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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