Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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