hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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