I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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