Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I love you. Go after that dick
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
