i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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