..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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