fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
