Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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