I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
