my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
