started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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