Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
