I could have mohawked her pubes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
