:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
